Growing up

Yesterday Mike and I celebrated Matthew’s 12 week birthday.  I can’t believe how much he’s changed over just 3 months.  We reminisced by looking at all our pictures, which we’ve been taking daily to document Matthew’s growth, and we couldn’t believe that just weeks ago we had a newborn with slender, long limbs covered with black lanugo.  Our little monkey.  Now our monkey has shed all that hair, and has all those cute little rolls of fat that bigger babies have. 

More so, though, I’ve been missing the ways Matthew really challenged us as a newborn.  I never thought I’d miss the every 2 hour feeds, the constant rocking to sleep… the deep lunges and shushing for 30+ minutes…

I had thought that it would be great to have one of those angel babies that just fell asleep on their own.  This past week Matthew has learned to soothe himself to sleep,  and sleep much more deeply too.   He’ll take 2+ hour naps both in the morning and the afternoon, leaving me finally some time to do my own stuff which has been put off for the past few months.  It’s a bittersweet change, though, since his longer naps leave both Mike and I less time to play with him.  We practically woke him up this evening because we wanted to cuddle and play with him so badly.

It’s a small thing, falling asleep independently, but somehow I felt a little sad seeing our little baby growing up and learning to do things on his own.  I know this is the first of many things he’ll learn to do, and it’s a happy moment, but I think I understand a little bit of the bittersweet emotion that my parents must have felt at my wedding, seeing their little girl grow up and start her own family. 

I reminded Mike, and more myself actually, that we have to cherish these days of Matthew’s babyhood, and remembered what my mom, who has great perspective after 30+ years of raising me and my brother, told me— that these times, though frustrating and challenging, really are “precious moments.” 

First Father’s Day

Well, this past weekend was my first Father’s Day and it was definitely a weekend to appreciate my son’s life and being a father.  While I think lots of people think Father’s day is about giving dad a gift or letting him do his favorite hobby, whether it be golf or video games, etc, I really think that the greatest gift on Father’s Day is to spend time with his family and to have good health for his children and wife.  It really hit me hard this weekend that I am actually a dad.  I think for many men, it is a surreal experience when the baby is first born and then enters one’s life.  Its such a weird feeling to be holding this baby thinking that this is your son.the reality of being a father truly just hammered me hard this past weekend to think that this little boy is my responsibility and that I have to do everything I can to protect and care for this cute adorable little guy.  I can’t tell you how much joy and happiness I had this weekend with our baby and how excited I am to be this boy’s father.  I know many mistakes will be made along the way, but it is such a gift to be able to love and care for this child.  When I look into his eyes, I see his beautiful mom’s eyes and it makes me fall in love with him even more.  I love to kiss his chubby cheeks and make him laugh while I do my silly dance for him.  I love to carry him on my shoulder and feel his head resting against it feeling comfort and security.  I love to watch him sleep and hear him giggle and laugh in his dreams.  Going to work is hard sometimes because I just wish I could stay home and play with him.  I cannot imagine my life without our baby and my wife.  I am now realizing that Father’s Day is also for dad’s to remind them of how blessed they are to be father’s and that it is truly a privilege.  Its not about me anymore, but its about my family.  That is the happiness that God has given me.  There are no words to express the love I have for my wife and my child.   

Laughing

This past weekend was nice since the wife’s brother and sister in law came from out of town to see the baby.  It was nice to see them again since it has been awhile since we all have hung out.  Baby seemed to enjoy their company and it was nice to have the help of wife’s brother in caring for the baby while wife could take a break and run some errands.  Having a baby has been amazing but it is definitely a lot of work which makes you appreciate him even more. 

He finally had his first responsive smile that we could recognize on May 26.  For no reason at all, I started to break out my silly dance in front of the baby and he started smiling.  I did it again and he smiled again.  Who know’s, maybe it was not responsive, but the wife and I started laughing hilariously.  Even at baby’s age, he knew how lame my dancing style was.  Since that time, baby has been smiling more and it has truly brought smiles to our faces.  Baby has such a beautiful smile, and it makes me so happy to see him.

Its so funny when he sleeps while I am holding him.  He intermittently smiles, laughs hilariously and then smiles again.  I wonder what he is dreaming about or what is going on in his sleep.  I think he is playing with the angels, our friends and relatives who have passed away and now in Heaven, and Jesus.  I hope that baby has a great sense of humor since he has such a beautiful smile.  I can’t wait to see his smile again. 

We learn about ourselves through our children

I cannot believe that our baby is already 6 weeks old.  My wife and I were looking at pictures of him newborn and suprised to see how much he has grown already.  From talking to several parents, they have told me that you learn alot about yourself while raising your child.  I used to think I was the most patient person until recently when I had a freak out moment.  The wife pumps intermittently so that I can bottle feed once in a while so she can sleep an extra few hours in the morning.  I am the morning guy who likes to get up around 4-5AM and watch Squawk Box or Bloomberg to keep up with the market.  Hehe, that is my other hobby is playing the stock market.  Anyways, we just got these brand new bottles with new nipples.  One morning, the baby woke in a hunger rage screaming, so I grabbed him before mom could wake up, and carried him out to the kitchen.  With one hand, I took the milk out of the refrigerator, cleaned and filled the bottle, warmed the bottle, and got onto the couch with the T.V. on excited to feed the baby.  That’s when it all started to crash.  I put the bottle into his mouth, and he first had a hard time trying to latch to the bottle since he is used to the breast.  Then he kept pushing the nipple out of his mouth and screaming in his hunger rage.  Then I started wanting to scream in my frustration rage.  I then noticed that no freakin milk was coming out of the nipple.  No wonder the poor kid was screaming in rage!!  My poor wife then came into the living room and watched this crazed man with one arm shaking the poop out of the poor bottle trying to get milk to come from the nipple and holding a screaming hungry baby in the other hand.  It was not a pretty site, but my wife found it pretty funny.   Then of course, my wife comes over and calmly takes the baby and bottle from me, angles the bottle in a certain way, and then puts it in our son’s mouth.  He latched on well and started to suck and the milk started to come out.  WHAT THE HECK!!!  I don’t know what I was doing wrong, but I do know that I have much more to learn.  Its amazing to see this maternal instict of mothers with their babies that comes so naturally.  I am just getting the hang of changing diapers, and am getting faster so I don’t get peed on.  Anyways, I can’t wait to see what else our baby can teach me about myself.  All I know is that I get so excited when I get to see him, hold him, and play with him.  I can’t wait until he can smile back at me and we can hang out, and I can teach him about Christ, life, and love.  I hope that we never not have enough time to spend with our son.  As Mother Theresa said, “  Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world.”  Time and love with family and with God has to take precedence in our lives.  When I see our son, I truly see Christ in his eyes and his heart.  Amazing!!!

Baby’s First Big Trip

So the little guy survived his first big trip this past weekend.  We went to San Diego to attend my sister’s graduation from law school.  I can’t believe she is a lawyer, and am so proud of her.  The baby actually slept most of the way from Bakersfield to Orange County, and then from Orange County to San Diego.  Thank goodness for bottles, since the little guy was starving towards the end of the trip.  It is so funny when he gets all riled up because of hunger.  He first starts to cry really loud, then when you pick him up, he starts to bang his head on your chest and snorts.  Hehe, we like to call him our little piggy.  We don’t intentionally starve him, but sometimes he wakes up in a hunger rage and it takes a while to set up the boppy, burp cloth, and mom’s breast for the feeding.  The other thing I realized about baby is that he is a little speedster.  Whenever traffic slowed down below 60mph, he would start crying.  However, once we picked up over 60mph, he stopped crying and went back to sleep.  I don’t know how to interpret that, but I can say that he already hates traffic.

The journey with baby

Wow, I cannot believe that our baby is already a month old.  Everyone is telling us we need to make sure to take pictures daily to remember.  He is already pretty big and growing out of his newborn clothing!!!  When I look at him, it is amazing to see a face starting to show and personality already starting to develop.  Its probably all in my mind, but I have fun picturing what he is going to be like when he gets older.  I have to say that I give much credit to my wife for being strong about the breastfeeding thing.  I sincerely had no idea how hard it was going to be until now.  I just figured mouth to nipple and that was it, but gees, not all this other stuff.  Of course the sleep deprivation is there, but it is so worth it when I pick him up and he stops crying and just snuggles up against me.  I knew being a parent was going to be amazing, but not this amazing!!!  I know it only gets more challenging from here, so we are trying to enjoy the baby years when he can’t talk back, go out paryting, etc. but either way, we want him to know how secure he can feel knowing our love for him will always be there.  This is the start of our journey as a family!!!

Going back to work

I cannot believe that it has already been 2 weeks since our baby boy was born.  Time has been flying by so fast, and it amazes me to see how much he has grown.  Well, since its been awhile since we have written, I can describe the events leading to his birth.  It was approximately 2:30AM on April 10 when the wife starting booming contractions about every 5-10 minutes.  They were pretty regular, and I was already to book out to the hospital.  However, we decided to wait a little bit to see whether they were going to fade out or get stronger.  We just did not want to show up to the hospital, and have them tell us to go back home, or to walk a couple laps around the hospital.  The contractions started to space out about every 10-15 minutes, so we figured it could be a false alarm.  The rest of the morning was quiet, but I had a feeling that this was the day.  I went to go pick up the mother in law that same afternoon, and by that point, the contractions started to boom away every 5 minutes again and were even stronger.  When we got home from the airport, we picked up the wife and drove her to the hospital.  Talk about great timing.  The little guy was probably waiting for grandmother to come before he wanted to make his presence in this world.  Fortunately, we got admitted to the hospital since the wife was dilated and in active labor.  After about 10 hours, and some serious pain and hard work from mom, little baby boy was born the morning of the next day.  I have to say as a man, it was amazing to see.  I have a new found admiration for the wife since she went through so much pain during labor to have our son.  Then to hold our son in my arms was an amazing thing.  I think was completely shocked and exhausted and almost felt numb, but had to smile when I heard our little boy crying his lungs out since he felt the cold air of the real world.  I have never seen such a beautiful baby in my life, but of course, I am slightly biased.  In addition, the wife, even right after labor, looked like the most beautiful woman in the world to me.  I know God was there the whole time watching over and protecting the two of them. 

 We were discharged and headed home with the intent on breastfeeding only.  Over the first 1-2 days, we noticed that the baby was irritable and wanting to feed more frequently.  In addition, he was not having the number of we diapers that he was supposed to based on the breastfeeding sheet.  We should have gotten more aggressive at that point since the wife might not have been making enough colustrum.  We took him into the pediatricians office after 3 days, and found out he lost significant weight and was jaundiced.  We felt terrible since we should have known he was not getting enough food, and that we should have supplemented with formula.  We then went to the lactation consult, and got some more advice about the latch since the wife’s nipples were on fire from the vigorous sucking of our little hungry baby.  Fortunately, after we started to supplement with formula and had the baby on bili lights, he perked up very nicely and had frequent wet diapers.  I honestly have never been so happy seeing pee pee and poo poo. 

Since that time, the baby has been doing great.  He is now only on breastmilk since the milk came in the same day that we started to supplement with formula.  The wife is the bomb for toughing it out, and the baby is beautiful.  I knew that being a dad was going to be amazing, but I never could have imagined how beautiful it was going to be until now.  I love you son, and I love you wife with all my heart.  I hope I can be the best husband and father to you both.  Its been two weeks, and I have to go back to work tomorrow.  It is sad, but at the same time, it will only make me desire more and appreciate the time I spend with the family. 

No baby yet

This weekend has been fun talking to alot of our friends.  We were getting lots of phone calls asking, “Any baby yet?”.  Since our baby’s due date was this past friday, some of our friends thought that he could be born.  The same answer was given to all of them, “No baby yet”.  However, I am definitely not complaining.  It has been great bonding time for the wife and I with nesting stuff, hanging out and going out to eat, taking naps, and just plain having fun.  We know it will be a beautiful change once the baby is born, but it has been great having one on one time with the wife.  It just solidifies the love and admiration I have for her.  We want to try to surround the baby with as much love as possible, and I know that starts with the parents.  Our baby is so blessed to have so many people loving him even before he is born.  At this point, we are just waiting, and know when the time is right, he will be born.  In the meantime, the wife and I are enjoying our time together and strengthening our marriage and love, and waiting in excitement for the baby to come and add more beauty into our lives. 

Waiting…

It’s both exciting and frustrating being 40+ weeks waiting for the baby to come. I’ve been on “maternity leave”- actually voluntary unemployment- for the past 4 weeks now and initially it was a frantic rush to buy the last few things to prepare for the baby, pack the bags, and get the nursery ready. Then there was the book reading… Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, the Nursing Mother’s Companion, AAP’s The First Year… and I’ve made vats of chili, curry, soup… and now I simply don’t really know what to do with myself.

Hubby and I wonder every day if “this is the day” and we are so excited to meet our son after a long 10 months. Unfortunately, the contractions haven’t been regular, despite the spicy Thai food, walks, and well, you know. We’re trying to enjoy the last few days of the pregnancy and having our little one in utero before the inevitable sleepless nights begin… going out to eat, going to the movies… all the advice our friends have given us. But we just can’t wait to hold our baby in our arms and look into his little face. We are so excited to meet you Matthew— and a Happy Easter to you!

Breastfeeding Class

Ah yes, breastfeeding.  Seems so natural, but yet so complicated at the same time.  You would think “mouth to breast and then suck”  Sounds so simple, right?  However, after going to breastfeeding class with the wife tonight, I realized it is not so simple.  There is the positioning, the latch, the suck, the breaking of the latch, etc.  My head was spinning after just a few minutes of the instructor talking.  I did not know you had to store it, when to breastfeed, how may times a day, oh my gosh.  My heart is palpatating and my head is spinning, and I am not even the one who is going to be breastfeeding.  However, I was given an article from my coworkers about men who were able to breastfeed by stimulating their nipples.  I tried rubbing mine vigorously for a few minutes but stopped because they were getting sore and no milk was coming out.  Fortunately, the wife told me she did not think she would need me as back up.  Anyways, i have learned that the dad’s job is to make sure mommy feels supported and helps her in anyway.  Instead of “Beers and nuts”, babies have “Milk and nipples.”  Power to the mighty breast!!!